You're Not Being "Too Picky" By Having High Standards in Dating

It seems like every time you share that you're dating and haven't yet found a man, you’re met with the same argument: "you’re being too picky:. Your friends, your family, and sometimes even strangers(!) will all tell you that you need to lower your standards if you ever want to find a boyfriend.

But here’s the thing: you’re not being too picky by having high standards. In fact, having high standards is one of the best things you can do for yourself in dating.

We've been taught to lower our standards

Other than people directly telling us to lower our standards, doing so has been implied for years. Go back only fifty years and you'll find that women couldn't open a bank account in their own name (this fact I discovered thanks to the Catherine Gray's wonderful book, The Unexpected Joy of Being Single). Women didn't have the independence they're privileged to have today, and their status in society relied on a man's involvement in her life to allow for social status, financial security and to prevent her being outcast as a "spinster".

Luckily, the world has moved on in those last fifty years and women have more autonomy and control over their lives more than every before (at least in the UK at the time of writing, though the recent overturning of Roe vs. Wade in America makes for a cause for concern). Whilst equality for all is still in progress, women can now open their own bank accounts, you can get a mortgage in your own name, and you expect to be treated fairly in the workplace, as equals to any other gender. The majority of a woman's life can now be lived without the need for a partner, and instead of needing to "settle" for the best available option at that moment in time, women now have the capacity to really consider what they want and prioritise the emotional skills, and personality elements of a potential partner purely over the practicalities experienced years ago.